is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
