Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
