I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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