He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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