Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
