time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
