Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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