and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
