I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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