So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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