so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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