My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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