I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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