yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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