I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
