I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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