Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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