My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
