Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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