I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
