i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
