i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
