remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My pussy is not your playground.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
