I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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