I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
