I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
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Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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