so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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