Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
