i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
