I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
