I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this hospital has no fireball
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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