Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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