How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
