so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
