I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
