I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
