i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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