I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
