I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
