I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
