Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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