All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
