Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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