ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
