you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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