I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
