Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
