The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
