My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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