I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
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He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My life is pants optional.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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