when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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