genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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