In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
