Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
