We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
