So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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