I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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