You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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