highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
