Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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