I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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