It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
