Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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