I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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