She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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