I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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