He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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