i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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