We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
