last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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